How to Get Over a Breakup: Tips for Healing and Moving On
Going through a relationship breakup can be an intensely emotional and challenging experience. It’s a time filled with a mix of emotions like sadness, loneliness, and sometimes relief. Understanding the different aspects of a breakup and learning ways to cope can make this difficult time a bit easier to navigate.
Types of Breakups
Understanding the nature of your breakup, and the why behind the break, can be an important step in the healing process. Different types of breakups carry their own set of challenges and emotional responses. Recognizing the type you are experiencing can offer some context and help you recognize that what you are going through is a normal part of the healing process.
1. Mutual decision to part ways
This is when both parties agree that parting ways is the best decision for them. Despite its mutual nature, it can still be painful as it marks the end of a shared journey.
2. Circumstantial breakup
Sometimes external factors that are beyond control of either partner lead to a breakup. This could include long-distance challenges, career demands, or family issues. These breakups can be particularly hard because your feelings for each other might still be strong.
3. Rift after infidelity
Infidelity in a relationship often leads to breakups. The betrayal and broken trust can result in intense emotional pain and a complex healing process.
4. Surprise split
In this type of breakup, one partner may not see the breakup coming and feels blindsided. This can leave them feeling confused and questioning the validity of the entire relationship.
5. The end of first love
Ending a relationship with your first love can be especially hard, as it often represents not just the loss of a partner but also the end of your first major emotional investment.
6. Conflict-driven breakup
These breakups occur due to ongoing conflicts or differences, such as communication issues or codependency struggles, that can’t be solved. They can be draining and may leave both parties feeling exhausted and frustrated.
7. Growing apart
Sometimes, people grow apart. In these cases, one or both partners may feel that they need to end the relationship in order to continue growing individually.
8. Ending a toxic relationship
Leaving a toxic or abusive relationship is both necessary and challenging. It often requires a lot of courage and support, and the aftermath can involve dealing with trauma.
Why Do Breakups Hurt?
Confusing and painful feelings are a normal part of the grieving process after a breakup. Acknowledging and accepting the emotional impact of a breakup can help in coping with the pain it brings and be a first step toward healing. You might experience a range of emotions due to:
- Loss of the emotional investment you’ve made
- Disrupted daily routines as you part ways
- Identity shift as you redefine yourself as an individual
- Changes in social circles and family dynamics
- Feelings of disappointment over lost dreams
- Uncertainty about the future
- Self-doubt and ruminating over what went wrong
- Fear of being alone
- Exhaustion and confusion from emotional unpredictability
How Long Does It Take to Get Over a Breakup?
Healing from a breakup is a process, and it’s okay to take the time you need. There’s no set timeline or deadline to get over someone. There are several factors that impact the post-breakup healing process that you may find it helpful to reflect on.
- The longer or more intense the relationship, the longer you may need to move on from it.
- Mutual or amicable breakups may need less healing time than traumatic or unexpected ones.
- Strong support networks and healthy coping mechanisms may make it easier for you to move on.
- Everyone processes emotions differently and that’s okay. Your emotional resilience and mental health state can affect how quickly you recover.
- Staying in touch with your ex-partner may prevent you from accepting the relationship is over and prolong the healing process.
- Major life changes post-breakup—like moving to a new city or changing jobs—will impact the speed of your healing process.
- Actively engaging in self-care and employing healthy coping strategies can aid in the healing process.
How to Get Over a Breakup: 16 Ways to Deal with the Heartache
Each of these strategies for coping with a breakup offers a way to not only deal with the pain that comes with the end of a relationship, but also to grow and find joy again in your life. It’s a journey that takes time, and each step forward (no matter how small) is an achievement.
- Clear out physical reminders
- Avoid rushing back into dating
- Exercise patience with yourself
- Feel your feelings
- Reconnect with joyful activities
- Create new memories
- Allow yourself to move forward
- Take space from your ex
- Consider traveling
- Surround yourself with supportive friends
- Write down your thoughts
- Focus on self-care
- Reflect on personal growth
- Set new goals
- Practice mindfulness and meditation
- Seek therapy if you need extra support
How to Get Over a Breakup FAQs
What should I do right after a breakup?
The period immediately following a breakup is often the most challenging.
- Allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment.
- Seek support from friends, family, or a counselor.
- Focus on self-care, including eating well, getting enough rest, and staying active.
- Avoid contact with your ex to help create emotional distance.
- Avoid making major life decisions until you feel more emotionally stable.
How do you accept a relationship is over?
Accepting that a relationship is over can be difficult and involves several steps.
- Acknowledging your feelings of loss and grief.
- Reminding yourself of the reasons why the relationship ended.
- Focusing on the present and future, rather than dwelling on the past.
- Engaging in activities and hobbies that you enjoy and affirm your sense of self.
- Seeking closure if needed, which might include a final conversation with your ex or writing a letter that you don’t send.
Why do I hurt so much after a break-up?
The pain after a breakup is often intense because of several factors:
- Emotional attachment: Losing a significant relationship can feel like a major loss in your life.
- Disrupted routines and plans: The end of a relationship can disrupt your daily life and future plans.
- Self-identity changes: A breakup can lead to questioning your self-identity and self-worth.
- Biological factors: Emotional attachment affects brain chemistry, and a breakup can lead to a withdrawal-like response.
How to get over a breakup when you still love them?
Getting over a breakup when you still have feelings for your ex can be particularly challenging.
- Acknowledge your feelings. It’s okay to still love them. Accepting your feelings as valid is an important step in the healing process.
- Give yourself space from your ex by limiting or stopping communication and avoiding checking their social media profiles.
- Focus on self-care by engaging in activities that promote your wellbeing and happiness.
- Reflect on what the relationship taught you and how you can use these lessons for personal growth.
- Seek support by talking to friends, family, or a therapist about your feelings. Sometimes, just talking about it can be incredibly healing.
- Remember that healing is a process, and it’s okay if it takes time to move on.
